And I’m not that.  I’m the dorky awkward girl in glasses that never really grew out of her shell.  Hanging out with some of these people brings this out in me.  And reminds me why, back in high school, I chose science.  And medicine.

I’m not popular, I’ve never been popular.  Growing up, I was always compared to, always less favorably, to a cousin born the same year in the same month.  She was smarter, more confident, more successful.  Even today, she is more successful than me, in all the ways that matter to our hometown.

Even today, I know I need help making friends.  It’s funny, after a year, I find that my friends are the ones whom I’ve made on my own terms, and not the ones who were introduced to me.  Sure we’re acquaintances, and we go out sometimes, and we hang out and do stuff (not too often, since I need a lot of space). 

And it’s good I blog anonymously.  Imagine if they got ahold of this post!  I could not publish it, but damn does it feel good to get it off my chest.

I tried to be as supportive as possible. For instance, I reminded her that the grass is always greener on the other side. And secondly, that facebook wall is popular because people share their what is good about their lives. And I’m being quite diplomatic here. Some people share to incite envy. Or like my best friend says, it’s not like people are going to upload pictures of screaming kids hopped up on sugar.

Anyway.

I wanted to share that because I got stood up recently by someone I liked. It’s totally not related to my situation. Guess I just wanted to think about something else. Except whatever I think about keeps coming back to this situation.

I still don’t know what to do about it. At the moment, I’m taking refuge in etiquette, like don’t want to be rude, but don’t want to initiate, want to keep my distance. absolutely don’t want to get hurt (too late.)

I found her blog by way of Hooking Up Smart which I stumbled upon by way of the New York Times (or was it the Atlantic?). Grerp is a very sane rational person. I don’t know if we’ll get along IRL as I am nerdy quiet and passive and her blog persona is normal.

Here’s one of the bits that I like. There are lots more.

Real friends will not just flatter you and tell you you look great or not fat in that skirt or not to worry about putting that vacation on your nearly maxed credit card because “You deserve it.” Real friends will intervene when you do ill-advised things. Real friends will not stop calling when something good happens to you. They will want you to succeed even if it means you advance a bit on the social hierarchy. Yes, it may sting a bit or make them worry about their own prospects, but they are mature enough to be genuinely happy for you.

Full post here.

1. You will lose all the friends you had before medicine.
2. You will have difficulty sustaining a relationship and will probably break up with or divorce your current significant other during training.
3. You will spend the best years of your life as a sleep-deprived, underpaid slave.
4. You will get yourself a job of dubious remuneration.
5. You will have a job of exceptionally high liability exposure.
6. You will endanger your health and long-term well-being.
7. You will not have time to care for patients as well as you want to.
8. You will start to dislike patients — and by extension, people in general.
9. People who do not even know you will start to dislike you.
10. You’re not helping people nearly as much as you think.

But most importantly,

You have only ever envisioned yourself as a doctor and can only derive professional fulfillment in life by taking care of sick people.

Full post here.