Reality

We were ravaged last night. There’s no other word for it. There was one code, successful, another patient about to in the next few days. There were multiple problems which needed to be dealt with and too few of us to go around.

I wasn’t supposed to be there. I was originally posted at the Surgery ICU, but there were no patients. So I stayed and helped with rounding, did procedures, let the ROD know his patients were coding.

I don’t know if I did the right thing. My conscience is happy, but I can’t feel my feet.

And what’s two feet between friends, right?

I also bumped into JWB last night. He was on his way home. I was bringing food to my residents. It was kind of like I didn’t exist. Or maybe I did, but I felt like a mote of dust: insignificant.

I keep telling myself that there’s no frisson, that it’s useless to like someone who doesn’t like you back. But all this time, I kept hoping.

It’s a little disheartening when there’s unrequited like, but what can you do? I know it’s not enough to say I’m open to relationships. I need to put myself out there and start dating. I don’t because I’m too chicken.

Cluck.

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